My bestie has a potential new boyfriend (thanks Dolly). And you know what? I am ok with this. Even though we have been inseparable for a good while, this is good, he is nice, a little goofy, has amazing muscles.
So why do I feel so bad?
Let's take this back to the early days. Why am I single?
In year 4 one of the boys in my class told me I was sexy while we were in line to go sit on the mat. Oh man. He said sex-y. How dare he be so vulgar towards me! THWACK! Yes I did swing my arm backwards connecting with his stomach, and yes he did cry. When our teacher asked me why I hit this boy, I was too ashamed to repeat the sex word, so that day I stood outside the classroom door where the naughty kids stand. That had never happened to me. The crazy bit was the fact that I actually really liked him. And so it begins...
My first high school love was a boy named Jay. He was in the year ahead of me, had long hair and played the drums. I never spoke to him because I was too embarrassed. One day I found out he liked me back, but our mutual shyness kept us apart. When another boy who also played the drums liked me (he was actually really cute) I got scared and wouldn't go out with him (this means be his girlfriend). He was nice and funny and we had a lot of fun together...but no. We went to our formal together at the end of year 10, he wore a cute red jacket but I friend zoned him when I kissed another boy at the after party. Drummer boy now has a mohawk, tattoos and nice muscles, the 'other' boy is a bit out of shape. Fail.
Did I set a precedence at the tender age of 8? I guess being religious doesn't help the already struggling dating pool, and don't get me wrong I have had many wonderful men interested. Many marriage proposals in foreign countries and my fair share of unwanted phone calls and texts. I have had to gently break many hearts and when I say gently, I really mean awkwardly and in a way I can never look them in the eye again. I am not proud of this.
My twenties have been nothing of real report despite getting better looking, learning to brush my hair and improving the physique one butt lift at a time. To be honest, the two people I most identify with in my life, is Miranda from the series 'Miranda' and Josie Grossie from 'Never Been Kissed'. Take Miranda's awkward comments and thinking that a night out is a trip to the IGA for ice cream in the PJs, Josie's awkward dance moves and blonde hair, and you have me. It is definitely a skill to be as cool as me around blokes and don't believe what they tell you, it does get worse with age.
So now that the bestie has a new man in her life, and I am looking down the barrel of almost 30 and forever alone, I contemplate asking them the question:
How do you feel about chaperones?
 |
| forever. alone. |
Very insightful lol
ReplyDelete